I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
