I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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