The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize