im about as happy as oj after his trial
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
