3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
