dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
