You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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