I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
