I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Randomize
