Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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