I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
