just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
