Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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