Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
