I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
