I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.