those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dating After Heartbreak
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.