why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
