Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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