She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?