It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
