Ketchup is God's man juice
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
