finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
