those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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