no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
