Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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