Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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