Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Did I show you my penis last night?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
