Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
