Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
