I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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