Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
