Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Your cock deserves a montage
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
