oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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