went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
