I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
