Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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