He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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