Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
