Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
