I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
