he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
