I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize