I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
