I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
