I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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