The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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