How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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