Jerry, you need to find god
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
