he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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