the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
