This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Text me some of your sweat
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
