It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
