You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
