If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The struggles of a small town man whore
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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