dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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