I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This house was built for laser tag.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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