Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
