I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Randomize
