i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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