She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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