Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
