I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
