so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
