I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
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I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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