toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
