You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
