Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Boobs are out for the taking
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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