no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
