it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
