did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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