if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
