so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
