I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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