Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
