let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
