I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
