i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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