I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
