My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
