Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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