discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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