Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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