He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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