you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
