their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
